DEALING WITH SEXUAL PERVERSION IN MARRIAGE
Recently, I received a message from a woman that has been admirably consistent in her deliverance through Mountain Movers. I will call her Natalie.
She writes: “I’m in a hard spot. How do I make a change in my marriage in order to put to death the lust, perversion and sexual immorality that existed before my deliverance when my husband who is not interested in deliverance or biblical truth insists that this is not what God would want for our marriage. In fact, he believes that there is an evil spirit attached to Mountain Movers Ministry that is actually driving a wedge in our marriage because I no longer desire to participate in the usual, illicit types of sexual acts I used to. I have been in prayer over this but still unsure what to do as he is being persistent on getting his way.”
Unfortunately, marital challenges like this are all too common for many women going through sanctification as their husbands remain uninterested. This is why it is essential to learn how to navigate through these storms according to scripture in order to maintain your position as a God-fearing daughter.
1 Thess. 4: 3-5 says: “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality, that each one of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in the lust of depravity, even as the Gentiles who do not know God.”
I am going to come back to the above phrase, your sanctification, later on, so please keep them in mind.
The New Testament translates the word “sexual immorality” most often to mean porneia, meaning a surrendering of sexual purity. It is primarily used in regards to premarital relations. This is where the word, pornography comes from and is defined as the concept of “selling off.”
Basically, all sexual immorality is the “selling off” of sexual purity that involves any type of sexual expression outside of the boundaries of a biblically defined relationship.
Unfortunately, because the bible doesn’t define exactly what sexual immorality can look like within the context of marriage, couples need to be extra prayerful and considerate of one another’s interpretation so as not to require or expect the other to engage in any sexual act that causes them to sin.
For instance, one may feel that watching porn or sexually explicit movies together is not a big deal. The other may feel that wearing sexy lingerie, using “so-called” toys, creating sexual fantasies or talking perversely is also appropriate. Threesomes can also be argued as being approved by God because after all, polygamy can be found in the bible. What about oral sex and sodomy? The list goes on.
Tim. 2:22 says that we are to flee from youthful lusts and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.”
Youthful, in this context does not only pertain to age but can also pertain to being spiritually immature and ignorant regarding sexual matters.
The word, lust can be defined as intense or unrestrained sexual craving or an overwhelming desire in regards to sex.
Pursuing righteousness suggests that both husband and wife are to be united by faith in Christ and His design for marriage, through their love for God, first, and then each other, sealed by the peace in marriage that surpasses all understanding.
Natalie and her husband did the exact opposite of this scripture! They didn’t realize that they had been feeding off their youthful lusts, not fleeing from them for years prior to meeting each other. By the time the demons set them up, their similar lusts attracted their similar demons enticing them to commit fornication which was the exact opposite of pursuing righteousness.
To demons, this is like hitting the spiritual lottery because it opens huge doors for other types of sin in marriage such as:
· Divorce
· Adultery
· Multiple relationships or sex partners
· Addictive behaviors such as masturbation, porn, alcohol and drugs
· Vows (ex-engagements) or blood covenants (tattoo reminders of the ex)
· Seduction and fantasy (lingerie, sexual toys)
Additionally, this becomes a breeding ground for a smorgasbord of other high-powered demons that desire nothing more than to destroy marriage. (Please read the blog titled: The Wages of Sin is Death for more insight on the effects of past sin).
In Natalie’s case, her husband’s demons manifested through anger, rejection, bitterness and even resentment convincing him there was a wedge in their marriage. The demons used his lack of bible knowledge regarding deliverance against her lack of bible knowledge on what to do in this situation, hoping to intimidate her to succumb to his sex demons.
Natalie panicked because she didn’t expect her husband to fight against her deliverance since he was also a Christian. I told her that his hostile attitude had nothing to do with her deliverance but had its root from their fornication. These demons were simply rebelling and manifesting through his anger when they realized they were no longer going to get their way.
I warned her that if she didn’t continue the sanctification process, she would eventually give in to his sexual perversion demons causing her to backslide, ultimately weakening her through guilt, shame and self-disgust while super-charging his demons.
I also shared with her that if she stayed the course, as difficult as it would be in the beginning, the enemy would attempt a different approach such as sexually enticing her husband to go outside the parameters of their marriage without her by watching porn, going to strip clubs, flirting with a co-worker, staying out late with the guys, masturbating in a fantasy realm, etc.
I had to prepare Natalie, in advance, by letting her know that the devil was also going to prey on her insecurity and low self-esteem by causing her to become mad, hurt, or worse…. to finally give in, in an attempt to save the marriage.
Earlier on in our one-on-one deliverance (Click here for more info) I helped Natalie understand that her demons, rooted in rejection, rebellion and fear which initially led her to fornication and other sexual sin, had actually attracted her husband’s demons. They both were to blame.
We’ve all heard the saying: “birds of a feather, flock together. The same is true in the spiritual realm. Sin causes demons to flock together and lock together like Legos. And unfortunately, just because Natalie had been delivered from some of her demons, meant absolutely nothing to her husband’s demons.
I can empathize with Natalie looking back on my own marriage. I remember telling Ryan that I was on a new path with God and could no longer be interested in what he was interested in sexually. This did not go over well and lead to many challenges that worked against my spiritual goals. The demons would often remind Ryan of what we did in our past in order to let me know that, that’s who he had fallen in love with. They would also take cheap shots by getting us to threaten each other with divorce on more than one occasion. I would send him bible teachings in order to prove my point but when he didn’t listen to them, I would get angry which only exasperated the situation.
The Lord gave me scripture like in Ephesians that talked about being imitators of God, as beloved children, walking in love (for one another) as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.
The Lord reminded me that when I started dating Ryan, I told him I was Christian even though I had agreed to living with him before marriage. Just by this one example, (there were several others) I had not been an imitator of God or a good influence. And continuing to do everything you see in the bolded font above while with Ryan, ultimately tarnished my reputation as a Christian.
God reassured me that as I had allowed Him to change all of my old desires over time, Ryan would be able to see enough of a change in me that would inspire him to want God to change his desires over time.
Please hear what I just said. I had to trust God to change Ryan’s desires, not get mad or offended by his desires.
1 Peter 31-2 promised that if I would let go of control, including trying to manipulate Ryan to change, and simply did as this scripture said which was to be in subjection to Ryan, especially in the areas he was good at, like finances, then he could eventually be won over to Christ regarding other things like sex. I began to understand that every area of my Christian walk needed to change, not just the things I told him I didn’t want to do any more. I knew this level of commitment on my part would allow me to re-build personal integrity yielding Godly influence in our marriage.
God also told me that instead of fighting against my marriage, to begin fighting for my marriage and for my husband.
So, I began to faithfully pray for Ryan according to 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. Please make sure this becomes an anchor passage in regards to your attitude in marriage. As time passed, Ryan and I were able to pray together when any disagreements came up. He loved the fact that that I was committed to the process of my own sanctification without nagging him about his own.
I cannot emphasize enough that continuing to pursue righteousness through sanctification in every area of our lives is the single most important piece of advice I give to women in marital situations like Natalie’s. It will never be easy, especially when our husband’s demons start to retaliate, but God will back us up mightily because of His view on marriage and because we are building up spiritual integrity that He can get behind.
In other words, stay on the path of Godly sanctification and watch the rocky mountains of your marriage move!